…the sun, the stored air reserves, the stored denial of it. Everything I shouldn’t see, like a tiny reflection in his eyes, a training in God. Ashamed. I know why he’s ashamed. He knows why I want to die.
…but I wanted to die. I begged to die. But after he learned what he knew, he said to me: “I can’t leave you to God, Charles.”
This was something even greater than the fear of hell, to avoid dying… someone seeing you as a trust. Until then, I was always alone. So alone that whoev ...